Sometimes, Even Positive Change Hurts

The one constant of life is change.

The theory is that people change because they want to gain something or that they want to to stop doing something harmful to themselves, but the main reason that people change is because they want to be happy and find who they are.

Like Shannon Hoon sang, the late and great lead singer of the band Blind Melon in his song Change , “When life is hard, you have to change.” This is what life is all about, changing when things are hard and when we find ourselves in difficult and painful situations.

That being said, even change that we want is painful and hurts.

That is right, even change that we want and that will make our lives happy and the way that we desire is painful. Change that we seek you would think would not hurt us, but when we walk away from people and things that we love, it hurts.

There are times in life when we have to make tough choices and these difficult decisions can be painful to make, even if they are choices that we want and change that is good for us personally. The change we seek can have ups and downs and pains that can dig deep to the root of our souls, even if that change is a positive one.

People seem to think that just because someone chooses to change something, that it does not hurt them to make that change, but this is not true at all. The changes that are the hardest ones to make are the changes that hurt us the most and dig deep down to our core. These changes are not easy ones to make and can cause a lot of pain, but only because they are things that have been important parts of our lives, either good or bad.

The changes that hurt us so bad are the ones that are the most impossible to make. These changes can hurt and can be hard to make because of that pain that we feel when we make that choice and the choice can be simple or it can be more complicated — either way, the pain from the changes that we make is real, even when we choose it.

I will break it down using three simple areas where change can be painful and difficult to adjust to.

Relationships

The main area where change is hard and can cause one a lot of pain when making changes.

This area is one where people struggle to get through the pain of the change that has occurred. The thing is that change is constant in relationships, it is either the relationship ends and things change or during the course of the relationship there are many changes that happen, some good and some not so good.

The pain happens when we move on, when we fall out of love, and when we try and start a new chapter in our lives. Some of this change is positive and some is not, but both is hard to deal with as we navigate these feelings and this new change.

People think that just because someone wants to move on from the marriage or other relationship that they will not have any pain, they think that just because they want the change that it will be easy and not painful, but that is not always true. There are many who have a lot of pain even when they want a change in the relationship and want to move on.

Even when we want to leave the relationship and move on it can be painful and hard. Know that.

Addictions

Leaving behind an addiction is always a good thing. Nobody can argue that overcoming any destructive behavior is positive, but addictions are just like relationships in that we get attached to them and they become part of who we are.

The familiarity of the addiction is difficult to leave behind, even when that addiction gave us pain, misery, and hopelessness.

There are phases to grieving both relationships and addictions and make no mistake about it, addictive behaviors are relationships.

The routine of our addictions is also something that we get used to and also is painful to leave behind. These behaviors, these drugs, these things become part of us and part of our lives and like relationships, walking away from them even when they destroy our lives can be painful and hard, but for us to grow we must do it.

Change is hard, even change we want.

I remember when I was drinking that the day I stopped was a hard day for me and caused me a lot of pain. I had become so used to the alcohol and the life that I was living, that I knew no other way and when I had to say goodbye to that “relationship”, it hurt, but at the same time, it was for the best and was the greatest thing I could have done for myself.

Jobs

Jobs and careers are also an area where it can be painful to change, even when moving on from that place of employment is what is best for us and is what we need to grow.

People have a lot of attachment to their jobs. It becomes part of who they are and it can be painful to leave it behind.

People love what they do a lot of the time and when they leave a job, even when it is to do something better, then it can cause a lot of feelings and bring up some emotions. I know that it did for me when I moved on from a job that I had some connections at and that gave me a lot of financial and career growth over the years that I was there.

The pain associated with leaving jobs and careers is a real pain but I find it to be one of the lesser of the three pains of change that I mentioned here in this article, but still it can be hard for people to adjust to the pain of changing a job just like it can be difficult to adjust to the pain and emotions associated with any type of change.

Change hurts, but so does not changing

The bottom line is that change is painful, but so is not changing.

Those who are resisting change will still suffer pain and it can be a devastating experience for them during that process. The pain of not changing is often a worse type of pain to experience, it is one that lingers and lingers and never seems to get better.

Ask the addict who suffers year after year because they resist change just how hard resisting change is. Then go and ask those in unsatisfying jobs or those in unfulfilling relationships that very same question, or anyone who is not living their best life and chasing their dreams if the pain of change is worse than the pain of not changing and I think you will see the truth.

Even change that we want is painful, but the pain of NOT changing can be a lot more painful — it is a matter of perspective, I suppose.

The truth remains, change is painful. It is painful not to change and it is painful to change and to move on from things whether it be a relationship, a job, walking away from an addiction or behavior, or anything at all and we as people must learn ways to get into acceptance of that change because change will always happen, we must have to adapt to it and move forward.